I don’t get the Verizon commercials. “Can you hear me now“? Basically they’re saying that the reception is so crappy that this poor guy has to stand on top of fences in the Artic to get a signal. They really should have him saying: “Can you still hear me?” Then at least we know that he could hear them in the first place. Although if I had someone asking me every five minutes if I could still hear them I’d just say no and hang up.
Speaking of advertisements, there are a few slogans that really make no sense to me. If we took them literally we’d all be a bunch of lunatics. AT&T’s – “Reach out and touch somebody“? Sorry but that’s creepy. Especially when you consider the Yellow Pages ads that say “Let your fingers do the talking“. Put the two of those together and we have a serial rapist on our hands.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there – well it’s rather unfortunate that my neighbor is a fat creepy dude who wears sweatpant shorts and no shirt while smoking (who knows what) in his garage year round. If my house burnt down in the middle of the night I’m not so sure I’d want him there while I run screaming out of my house in my little booty shorts and tank top.
How do they come up with this stuff anyway? There must be men in suits sitting around a table discussing their options:
Exec #1: “How can we possibly improve on what we have? I love: “It’s what I eat and what I do” it really speaks to the people.
Exec #2: “Yes but how can you DO a burger? Wait, wait, I think I got it – by eating it. Yes I do see the logic there Stanley”
CEO: “Okay, how about: McDonalds, it’s what I eat and what I do ALWAYS”
Exec #1: “Isn’t that sort of like Coca-Cola’s slogan?”
Exec #2: “We have to appeal to the kids here fellas. We need some slang in there”
Exec #1: “McDonalds: it’s what I eat and what I do – in the hizzle!”
CEO: “I’m loving that”
Exec #2: “I’m loving it!”
*a look of inspiration crosses over their faces and thus a slogan is born*
Sometimes I think maybe they don’t really put that much thought into these slogans either. Toshiba’s “Choose Freedom” slogan – what exactly does that mean? If we choose a Sony are we relegated to the first twelve channels forever? Where does this freedom come into play with a Toshiba that it doesn’t with a Samsung? Oh and there’s another gooder: “Digitally Yours”. Now they’re playing with our emotions and getting all Hallmark on our asses. You can certainly tell what market they’re aiming for.
Good thing I don’t believe everything I hear…
I’m richer then I think, am I, Scotiabank? Well I think I’ll just go on a little shopping spree here and take care of that problem. Oh nevermind, I lost my American Express and I just don’t feel right leaving home without it.
So I went to a luncheon yesterday to see the Premier speak. Nevermind the fact that I stuck out like a sore thumb (read: young, blonde wearing a royal blue sweater dress amongst the dozens of grey-haired Suits and the odd (older) woman sprinkled in for effect), poor Eddie doesn’t have a clue. Um, Eddie is the Premier of Alberta – in case I lost you there. He honestly should have an ear piece feeding him what to say. Among his many gems during the Q & A :
- “We had many meetings in regards to that. I went to a lot of meetings, but I didn’t go to a lot of meetings” (translation: “those meetings are fucking boring, who actually pays attention?”)
- “Well if you can wait a couple months, ‘so-and-so’ is doing a talk on that coming up very soon” (translation: “I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. I think Pete may have mentioned that at some point in time”)
- When asked about which historical data he is using for planning the budget, pertaining to the oil sands, he somehow managed to talk for ten minutes about ring-roads, schooling and health care by the end of which everyone had just forgotten what the question was in the first place.
At least the steak was good.