Category Archives: malaria is the new black

Phone-Sex, Malaria and Also Some Advice

If anyone has any guaranteed Get-Rich-Quick schemes I would really like to hear about them. I’ve been contemplating everything from selling drugs to escort services to phone-sex operator.

(shut up, I totally look like this)

Sadly I wouldn’t know where to get the drugs to sell, am nervous on first dates and would giggle incessantly at getting paid to talk dirty.

These qualities do not a highly paid escort/drug dealer/phone-sex-operator make.

I figured out that to be comfortable and not worry about money I need about $6400 to last me until the end of January.

I leave next Monday.

Planning your life fail.

I redid a budget and actually should be okay as long as I stick to it and don’t go crazy buying copious amounts of kitschy “plastic grumpies” (as my dad calls souvenirs) and expensive meals. And also I might have to sleep on the street with a hat beside me just in case anyone feels like dropping money in it. Or you know, whatever.

And also? I was going to leave Oct. 1st then there was a whole medical scare thing with my dad so we were going to delay our trip for a month, but it turned out to be totally not anything thankthesweetbabyjesus (note to everyone: make sure your pops checks his prostate after age 40. And guys you too. Just do it. Oh and girls, feel your boobies).

Once he got the A-ok from his doc, he called me up to say we’re leaving as originally planned. Which now gives me a week and 3 days to sort my life out, donate stuff, transfer my phone to my sister, pack my bags, renew my drivers license, throw a going-away party, learn to hula-…well you get the point.

There’s a crap-load to do.

On top of that I have my hands in like 8 proverbial pots (cookie jars?). Looking at freelance writing, applied for a few things online, looking at starting a business (might be too much to deal with right meow), looking at making this video for this thing (how appropriately vague).

So yeah, my mind is all “why are you drinking so much coffee late at night when you know it makes you stay awake applying for jobs you’re probably not qualified for and scheming things that are good in theory but maybe not practical and maybe, actually really, you should be getting some sleep every once in a while and not just stressing over Things That Cannot Be Changed”

Like the fact that I should probably maybe just go get some Adavan but it is known to worsen asthma and oh god I need to get my inhalers that cost $100 a month and I’m gone for a year so pair that up with my birth control and malaria pills (sexy) and all of a sudden I owe the pharmacist about $1500.

So yeah, I’ll fork over the cash.

I just need to practice saying “Give it to me bad boy”…


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