Category Archives: I guess I have heard worse pickup lines

The Trump Way

I’m not trying to make anyone jealous here but I have some very exciting news to share…I’m sure it’s only because of all the charitable work I’ve been doing. Well, that and let’s face it, I am kind of a big deal.

See, I’ve been sent a very special personal invitation to join Donald Trump himself at a very exciting seminar held right here in Calgary. Not only was I personally invited but I received 2 complimentary VIP tickets. That’s right bitches, Don and I are tight like that.

Apparently I’m going to learn about property investment and how to be a Real Estate mogul. It’ll even teach me how to be my own boss Forever.

Now, the card only had a small sample of all the great things I’ll be learning but it does put emphasis on the fact that (and I quote): “This is what I have learned the hard way, in the streets, fighting to grow my empire and fighting to stay on top

I’m not really sure what kinds of things you learn on the streets of Park Avenue but I’m sure it’ll be very eye-opening.

I’m pretty sure the signature is authentic and the card is hand-signed, after all what better things could he possibly be keeping busy with?

Don’t worry, I won’t forget about you while I’m off living my lavish lifestyle and making millions simply by looking at buildings.

Advertisements

I Should Have Taken The Brandy

This whole past month I just haven’t been feeling creative or funny or even very interesting, therefore my blog has suffered – so for that, I apologize. When it becomes cold and dreary I sort of shut down and just lay around being lazy when I’m not at work. I promise eventually I’ll be feeling back up to par and stop being so lame.

Tonight, I had an interesting night at work. There’s these guys who are from England staying in the hotel that is adjacent to our restaurant. They’ve been coming in for the last few weeks for a few beers after they’re done work. They are all from the British Air Force and there are about 25 of them.

Tonight one of them asked me to go for a drink with him on Thursday. I’m going to go even though it seems a bit pointless since they’ll be leaving soon and heading back to England, but either way, it’ll be fun I’m sure.

To update my dating situations right now; I saw Bro again over Christmas and it was really nice. He brought me a Christmas CD which was sweet, we watched a movie and had some drinks. It was a lot of fun and I really feel comfortable around him. He’s gone up North again until February though. I haven’t spoken to ADD since Christmas because frankly he’s far too ADD for me. I’m hyper as it is, I don’t need someone three times as energetic as myself around!

As for the Russian, that’s another story entirely (which has to do with the piano bar and the sketchiness there) but I’ll save that for another day.

On my way home from work I started coughing in my cab. As he dropped me off the cab driver was telling me that if I have some Brandy with hot water, I’ll sleep through the night. I laughed and said that I didn’t have any Brandy at my house to which he replied:

“You want Brandy? I go get Brandy! I bring to you right now the Brandy!”

Erm, no thanks but definitely E for effort, and a bigger tip…

More FAILures

I locked myself out of my house this weekend. The door handle has a lock on it and if you hit it the wrong way it locks. Neither my landlord nor I have a key to this particular lock, I only use my deadbolt.

Luckily she can get to the back door from inside her place.

Unluckily she was out of town for the weekend.

FAIL

Needless to say, I had an interesting day Saturday killing time before heading to a friends birthday that night. I ate lunch at one restaurant, got coffee and sat for two hours, ate supper at a different restaurant, went downtown and had a few drinks with some friends who happened to be at the pub and finally hopped the train down to my friends house.

My friend who does not have a computer at home. There went my NaBloPoMo dreams.

FAIL

I stayed at her house last night and we all went for brunch this morning. We declared today as “slit-your-wrist Sunday” because every single song on the radio was emo-inspired. That and we were hung over from the piss water “champagne” graciously provided to us by the bar. The bar that is called Snatch.

They may as well just call the bar Vagina and stop with the clever euphemisms.

This is the type of place that when you’re standing in line to use the ATM, some guy starts talking to you and when you reply, he says (verbatim) “sorry I uh…wasn’t listening. I got distracted,” while staring at your boobs. “So uh, can I buy you a drink?”

Oh gosh, really? So I can perpetuate every guys ideas of girls at bars? You know why don’t I just take my dress off right now?

Ya, no thanks, I’ll pass.

Pickup line FAIL

Anyway, this morning at brunch I ordered a Bailey’s and coffee (a little hair of the dog). Blondie turns to the waitress and says:

“Ummm, I’ll get a Baileys and coffee too…but can you hold the Baileys?”

%d bloggers like this: