Category Archives: his licence plate says grope

Road Tripping

As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m off on a delightful adventure this weekend to Kamloops. Tomorrow morning I’ll be sprawled across the back of a luxury SUV in my evening gown, reading STAR magazine, drinking champagne and eating bon bons. Actually, I hallucinated all of that. I’ll really be crammed in the back seat of a little Mazda with my two younger sisters. Not younger as in “they are 5 and oh em gee how cute are we?” but as in they are both 20. So three 20-somethings in the back seat of a tin can with wheels for seven hours.

My mum will be in the drivers seat because apparently dad’s driving is too erratic, although I don’t see how cutting two hours off our long-ass drive could be a bad thing. So what if we get pulled over twice? The BC cops have no jurisdiction in Alberta!

I remember when I was little, every time we got pulled over I thought my dad was going to jail. I even had a dream about it when I was in kindergarten (that’s true). My dad likes to speed, especially through the mountains. My mum apparently likes to live, therefore she is taking the wheel this time.

I haven’t been on a car trip with the family since…oh I dunno, 1999? Back then Christina Aguilera was still messing around with genies, The Verve was breaking up and Lenny was singing about American Women (or possibly just one in particular).

When I was even younger, we went on road trips as a family all the time. No one ever agreed on the music. Dad liked kind of heavy rock music, mum liked top 40 style music, my older sister Dizzy liked a mix but mostly lower key stuff and I was usually all about the girly music: Ace-of-Base all the way.

There were certain tapes we could all agree on: REM, Out of Time; Sheryl Crow, Saturday Night Lights; that sort of thing. Usually it was dad’s music though, so a steady diet of Led Zeppelin, Nine Inch Nails (who I’m actually going to go see on Tuesday, more on that later), The Doors, The Who, New Kids On The Block – oops, I actually just slipped that in his tape deck when he wasn’t looking. Step by Step! Ya!

Ok, moving right along. Actually, side-tangent again: when I was sixteen I was listening to the Backstreet Boys in my room, singing along with the beautiful, melodious and completely non-commercialized lyrics when my dad came up, turned off the stereo and said: “Here. Listen to this.” and handed me Alice Cooper. Thus began my (upward) spiral of rejecting crappy pop and embracing real music. Thanks Pops.

Ok, now moving along for real. I’m actually a little excited to play driving games such as “Find The ABCs on Random Signs in Order from A-Z”, “What Does That Guys License Plate Really Say”, “Name A Band/Place/Movie Using the Last Letter of My Word”, “I Spy”, “Categories” and my all time favorite “I Have To Pee..No, Now!” Back in the day, these games mostly resulted in time outs and tears. Don’t worry, Mum eventually got over it and joined back in on the fun.

Of course these days we have a laptop with a connector cord so we can watch movies and make fun of hilarious skits on YouTube. And by hilarious skits I do mean people falling and monkeys throwing feces, oh and that cockatoo that dances. He’s awesome. I’m not sure if the road trip will feel quite the same with all this modern technology.

Either way all I’m bringing is a pillow, The Selfish Gene and an extra large black coffee. Or possibly a venti, sugar-free, half-caf, extra hot, skim-milk, no-whip hazelnut latte. They love it when I come into Starbucks.

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