Okay so I think we’re all pretty much aware of the fact that if there’s a hell I’m going there. Asshole party of one? Your table is ready. This is first evidenced here, and probably in numerous other places in this here weblog of mine but I’m far too lazy to go digging for examples.
In case you need a few more reasons, I present to you:
Reasons I’m Going to Hell, Part II
1. When I’m feeling particularly cheap, I tell the bartender wherever we happen to be that I’m the designated driver. This generally scores me a free soda for which I tip largely to ensure free refills all night.
I then proceed to top up the soda all night with the Vodka that I’ve managed to sneak in thanks to my ridiculously large purse.
2. I like to watch Biggest Loser sometimes. It’s inspiring to watch those poor people have to shed hundreds of pounds…Even more inspiring while eating ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.
4. Two Words: Online Dating
It’s not that these guys don’t seem nice. It’s mostly that they seem like complete and utter morons half of the time. Or maybe it’s my Judgey McJudgerson personality.
Here’s me, online dating: “ugh he spelled ‘your’ wrong, NEXT; too old, NEXT; What’s with the hair? NEXT; too skinny, NEXT; Hmm…potential…potential (as I skim his profile)…ew whiny! NEXT”
And I wonder why I’m single*
*False. I don’t wonder that.
Bro is my old boss’ brother. He’s really nice and very charismatic; he was working up North so I hadn’t seen him since Christmas. The Russian is my ex-boyfriend from High school who I hadn’t seen since then until he came into my (old) work one day with his (kinda?) friends. He was the first guy I really cared about and we went through a lot together.
This is how my messed up life works…I hadn’t seen either of them in a while and kind of even forgot about both of them since, you know, life happens.
Well Friday night guess who comes into the Restaurant and sits at my bar…Bro. He told me he was even going to call the restaurant to make sure that I was working but decided to just come see. Him and his friend hung out and drank for a couple hours, I chatted with him about his work and all that but I was really busy so didn’t really get to talk too much.
As they were leaving, his friend paid and left $150 for the $137 bill. I was kind of upset about it because I had given them a discount and everything but whatever. Bro came back from the bathroom though and shook my hand, stealthily slipping me $40 in the process. He’s back now from up North and won’t be going back until next year so he said he’ll call me and I guess we’ll see where that goes!
As for The Russian, Saturday night I had a girls night with some friends. We drank a ton of wine and champagne and then headed out dancing. As I’m outside smoking, who do I see but the Russian walking towards me. He grabbed me in a big hug and started going on about he dropped his phone in beer or something so had obviously lost my number.
Him and his friend ended up hanging out with us girls for the rest of the night; dancing, drinking, all that fun stuff. I don’t know if it’s a Russian thing or what but he’s very direct. He asked me if I had loved him, he told me that seeing me again must be fate (it is kinda strange that I didn’t see him for over 7 years and then run into him twice in a few months, but fate? I dunno) and is totally comfortable asking potentially awkward questions.
He came over to my place after and it was fabulous. Gotta love not raising your numbers and still getting some. Especially when it’s way better then you remember. We actually had a really good conversation in the morning about life in general, what’s changed, what’s the same, my parents divorce, his stint in the army, everything in general.
As he was leaving he said “I’ll call you,” to which I replied “like last time?” and laughed. He could only shake his head and point to his new phone, which is apparently not covered in beer.
Of course, seeing the two guys I kissed a few months ago, randomly in the same weekend, after not having seen either for over two months WOULD only happen to me.
Okay, I need a breather after that week. Remember me bitching about not meeting men? Remember when I used to talk about other stuff too? Seriously when did this turn into a dating blog?
So I burnt my arm the other day at work and I very much wish I could upload pictures from my phone to this here blog but I can’t figure it out for the life of me. My camera is still in the shop (seriously, what the hell is taking them so long). Instead I’ll tell you that it’s 2 inches across and 1.5 inches down, bright red and blistery. I didn’t go to a doctor because I am a dumbass.
I think bright red is good – doesn’t that mean it’s healing? Any help anyone? I would Google it but we all know that turns into thinking you’re going to die no matter the severity of the initial problem. I’m Polysporin-ing (it’s a word) this SOB all week.
Ya, well enjoy this hungover rambling, I’m sure I’ll come right home from work and delete it.