Category Archives: does this mean I should get drugs?

Happy Turkey Day

Here I am in beautiful British Columbia, after a harrowing drive through the windy mountain roads. Good thing my mother insisted on packing a sleeping bag, candles, winter jackets and boots, raincoats, rain boots, flares, winter chains and gallons of water.

I only made two of those up.

The drive was actually perfect, no snow or rain. It took us less then ten hours to get here.

My mother thought the drive was a great time to tell me of the ultimate demise of many of my childhood toys. You see, my parents basement flooded (sewage backup – I just threw up a little in my mouth). In the process of clearing everything out there were a few items that didn’t survive.

The My Little Ponies died a tragic death – even my favorite one with the cherries on her hip that smelled like cherry pie (and plastic). My Barbies all felt the effects of the Great Flood. I guess the makeovers I gave them, including fabulous choppy bobs, was all for nothing. The Spice Girls all lived to tell about it but their manager was washed away – gorgeous checkered jacket and all.

It’s a damn good thing my first toy survived – a stuffed rabbit (fittingly) that I affectionately named Bunny. Yes, I have always been so creative.

After I was done sobbing for the loss of my childhood, I realized we were halfway there.

Kidding.

A few last things before I take the week off and let my wonderful guest bloggers take over with stories of gaining employment, losing employment and hating employment (get ready for two weeks of Job Fair starting Monday!)

1. I got sick with the flu on Wednesday and wasn’t able to go out with Shy. I finally feel better this morning after losing about ten pounds (just kidding – I wish). He goes back up North the Sunday of the weekend after I get back from Vancouver (which happens to be Halloween weekend) so I’m planning on doing the Halloween thing with those guys. Hopefully I’ll have many stories to recount…

2. Pseudo called me last night at 12:45 BC time (1:45 Calgary time). He hasn’t called me in three months, and after running into his friends last weekend I really realized that I hadn’t actually thought of him in a while. Now he has to call me? What the hell is wrong with people. Good thing my phone was on silent.

and

3. Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians! You Americans have to wait for the delicious turkey, gravy, stuffing, potatoes, cheesy cauliflower and other deliciousness…feel free to rub it in my face when you’re eating it next month!

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Dream Weaver

So I’ve heard when you’re pregnant you have really strange dreams. I happen to have really strange dreams all the time (and no I’m not perpetually pregnant because that would be more than a little awkward).

For example last night I dreamt that I missed work (at my part time job), ran into my boss and her mountain bike and proceeded to explain to her that my key wasn’t working so I couldn’t go to work. We then went on a bike ride out to Banff where she proceeded to cry about some guy and we ate carrot muffins with raisins.

I used to have a reoccurring dream that I was in a red convertible (with different people in each dream) driving through the mountains. Then the car would fall – either off a cliff, off a bridge or in a weird turn of unfortunate events, off the end of a rollercoaster.

I’ve dreamt that I was a camp counsellor and the kids were trying to light shit on fire all the time. To get them to stop we had to throw ribbons around and braid each others hair. Wait, that was actually a scene in PollyAnna.

I’ve dreamt about pigs that danced (Gene Kelly style) in the rain dressed as police officers. Under their overcoats (since that’s obviously what dancing pigs wear) they all had knock-off watches they were trying to sell.

The weirdest thing that happens to me by far while I’m sleeping (other then Pistols watching through my window – I’m on to you buddy) is sleep-paralysis. I “wake up” but my body is still asleep. Basically, what happens is that you are totally completely paralyzed but your brain is awake.

Sometimes you even get fun hallucinations, like seeing a man standing at the end of your bed. Of course, you can’t turn on the light because you’re absolutely paralyzed and your brain doesn’t send signals to your body.

Now, it sounds terrifying and mostly it is, but the fun part about it is that a lot of people who get it think they’ve been abducted by aliens, had an out-of-body experience or seen a ghost. So any time I want to make up wild crazy stories about green toothed martians whisking me away to play bridge and drink swamp water, I have the perfect alibi!

No wonder my dreams are so messed up.

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