Actually, there is a fire-breather employed with us, but he doesn’t start until next week so ya.
It would be fun and awesome except for the fact that after working until 4 am I have to wake up and head to my other job in the morning. Oh and the fact that I’m not eighteen anymore so my body is all “what the shit are you doing to me?” and my wallet is all “hey remember those bills you still haven’t paid?”. See, I’m too busy working at making money so I don’t have time to get to the bank to deposit that money so I can pay those bills.
It’s a Catch-22
Speaking of wallets, have you ever lost something and completely freaked out only to realize that you actually had it the whole time? No? Me neither…
Ya, except yesterday when I got done work and went to put my tips in my wallet only to realize my wallet was not there. I had checked my wallet that morning to see how much money I had left over from the night before ($100 – pretty good) so I knew I hadn’t left it somewhere random.
I proceeded to tear apart the staff room, cry my eyes out, ask “who would do something like this a WEEK before Christmas??” and say things like: “I just don’t understand! I get along with everyone here, who would do this to me?”
After my manager bought me a glass of wine and some lunch, I headed home only to see my wallet sitting on my bed. Right where I left it after I checked my balance.
Here I am in beautiful British Columbia, after a harrowing drive through the windy mountain roads. Good thing my mother insisted on packing a sleeping bag, candles, winter jackets and boots, raincoats, rain boots, flares, winter chains and gallons of water.
I only made two of those up.
The drive was actually perfect, no snow or rain. It took us less then ten hours to get here.
My mother thought the drive was a great time to tell me of the ultimate demise of many of my childhood toys. You see, my parents basement flooded (sewage backup – I just threw up a little in my mouth). In the process of clearing everything out there were a few items that didn’t survive.
The My Little Ponies died a tragic death – even my favorite one with the cherries on her hip that smelled like cherry pie (and plastic). My Barbies all felt the effects of the Great Flood. I guess the makeovers I gave them, including fabulous choppy bobs, was all for nothing. The Spice Girls all lived to tell about it but their manager was washed away – gorgeous checkered jacket and all.
It’s a damn good thing my first toy survived – a stuffed rabbit (fittingly) that I affectionately named Bunny. Yes, I have always been so creative.
After I was done sobbing for the loss of my childhood, I realized we were halfway there.
A few last things before I take the week off and let my wonderful guest bloggers take over with stories of gaining employment, losing employment and hating employment (get ready for two weeks of Job Fair starting Monday!)
1. I got sick with the flu on Wednesday and wasn’t able to go out with Shy. I finally feel better this morning after losing about ten pounds (just kidding – I wish). He goes back up North the Sunday of the weekend after I get back from Vancouver (which happens to be Halloween weekend) so I’m planning on doing the Halloween thing with those guys. Hopefully I’ll have many stories to recount…
2. Pseudo called me last night at 12:45 BC time (1:45 Calgary time). He hasn’t called me in three months, and after running into his friends last weekend I really realized that I hadn’t actually thought of him in a while. Now he has to call me? What the hell is wrong with people. Good thing my phone was on silent.
3. Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians! You Americans have to wait for the delicious turkey, gravy, stuffing, potatoes, cheesy cauliflower and other deliciousness…feel free to rub it in my face when you’re eating it next month!
Okay, okay so she’s my sister and therefore HAS to love me (I can’t make you un-my sister*)
But still, I got my very first award from the lovely Attachedmama (aka Dizzy) over at Living in Harmony where she writes about her adorable little daughter, parenting and all that fun stuff. (Un?)luckily for me it’s not a severed goats head but instead a very sincere little token of love (I may have added my own personal touch to it).
The rules are easy (so even you can follow along):
1. The winner can put the logo on their blog
2. Link the person you received the award from
3. Nominate 7 other blogs
4. Put links of those blogs on yours
5. Leave a message on the blogs nominated
Now who to pass this gem onto? Well, by process of randomly, drunkenly twirling my monitor around and seeing where my finger lands (or is that how I decide where to vacation next – I can never remember) – I’ve decided on the following bloggers (in no particular order):
Falwless – She is, as her name indicates, pretty falwless. Plus her blog is Lots Better Than Your Blog. No but really, she’s hilarious, witty, sarcastic, rude and probably drunk 72% of the time. Her blog makes me pee my pants a little – at entries like this about McCain’s old age, and causes me to spit coffee on the monitor at least once a day. Plus apparently she has a pet monkey and an eyepatch. How could you go wrong?
Dr. Zibbs – Wins for most random, politically-incorrect, self-serving blog ever. Take the time he forced his loyal readers into slave labor. He also likes to make fun of others**, which is always good for a laugh. Plus his comments are always inappropriate and therefore awesome.
Ben – Ben likes nuts! And Ribs! Wait, he’s a vegetarian so scratch that last one. Ben has dogs and hilarious stories about said dogs. He also has hilarious stories about life in general. The other great thing is that since Ben is 4 hours ahead of me, I get to read his blogs first thing in the morning when I get to work. Who doesn’t like a good unicycle story first thing in the morning?
The Mean Girls – I can’t pick just one of these girls, they’re all freakin hilarious. If you combined the glamour of Marilyn with the outrageousness of the Kardashians you’d have an idea of how fab these girls are. 4 inch Stiletto gives great travel advice and knows how to throw a party, the Alleged Ringleader always knows where the party is, and how to secure a man and Lilo loves sex talk (and talking sex).
Pistols at Dawn – Constantly writing about his FAILures (you know it’s bad when the homeless get more action than you) and changing the world – one crappy TV show at a time. Pistols may be creepy and unbathed but at least he knows how to get out of awkward situations.
Lyla-Lou – This gal has been with me since my blogging beginning. She has an ex-bf who lives with her (I know, right?) and a newly acquired little friend. She writes about alternate uses for meat cleavers and serious things like relationships. Lyla is the kind of girl I would sit on a balcony with and we’d drink oodles of wine, bitch about men and then go find some hotties to take away the misery.
Just remember, I heart a million of you but could only pass the cheer on to 7.
Now since these 14 billion links will keep you busy all morning, go check them out but make sure you have a change of underwear because you’ll be laughing your ass off***
*Bonus points if you get that reference…anyone?
*** Not a 100% guarantee. If you have no sense of humor don’t bother clicking
I am sort of seeing O/N but I’ve learned to never put all your eggs in one basket (or is it counts your chickens before they hatch? One of the cliched, overused terms fits here I’m sure).
So far I’ve had Great Success (like Borat). If great success means a bunch of douche bags email with such witty repartee as: “Hey babe wanna msg me?” and “your hot lets met”. There was also this gem in my mail box this morning: “hey lookin for a little love just somethin on the side summer fun” from a married fellow with a picture of his 6 pack looking slightly deteriorated.
I don’t know about you but I love being the little somethin on the side for summer love. I’m sure his wife approves too.
The reason I joined was to avoid douche-baggery and cheesy pickup lines at the bar – is that too much to ask? Also, to have a good laugh at all the stupid idiots out there who really think emailing a girl three words (hottie lets chat) is going to render her quivery with desire and immediately she’ll respond with a “your place or mine?”. Obviously it must work for some guys or they wouldn’t all still be doing it.
I don’t think the whole internet dating thing is for me. I guess I’ll stick to meeting guys at the bar, drooling on their sleeves while trying to shove a drink in my hands and incoherently mumbling sweet-nothings at my cleavage. Isn’t that how everyone found the man of their dreams?
After working at my “real” job all day, I went and played server at the restaurant/lounge that I also work at last night. By the time I was done there, after eating butternut squash ravioli (who knew that stuff was so tasty? Seriously I don’t get it), it was almost eleven and I was exhausted.
Instead of waiting ten minutes to catch the bus and endure a ten minute bus ride, with a two block walk tacked on (I know, life is tough) I decided to take a cab. Well this particular cab driver was like the East Indian spokesperson for happiness.
” I am not one to ever complain! There is no need for worry! You only make it worse! Life is always as good as we make it!”
This life lesson was taught to me after I innocently asked how his day was. I learnt my lesson – keep your mouth shut.
Anyhow, after the five minute cab ride, him and I were pretty much best friends. Reminiscing about how great life was and how happy everyone should be and how fantastic the stop signs looked (actually, now that I think about it, maybe he was on mushrooms?) He dropped me off at my house and said “if you don’t have enough that’s ok!”
I hadn’t even mentioned the possibility of not having enough money but apparently this was happy-times cab company where “If You Don’t Pay, We Do!!” I did pay though, and tipped him well.
As I’m walking up my front steps I hear a crashing noise. He hit my neighbors car. He backed right up into it.
He got out and looked at the front of her car, the back of his car, he was still smiling (probably trying not to cry) but he was saying “it’s ok! it’s ok!” So I was like ok, dude’s going to leave a little note, with smiley faces and candy or something. It’s eleven at night, I’m tired, I went inside.
This morning I came outside and saw her car, with a scratch on the front of it and no note. Mr. Happy Cab Driver Man totally hit and ran! I didn’t get his license or anything because I was so sure he’d leave a note.
Not sure if I should tell her or just leave it for now and see if she notices. I’m still in shock that the super nice man could hit a car and run. Maybe it is better to be a jerk after all.