Category Archives: a liter of wine gets you hammered

It’ll Be A Work Of (Interpretive) Art

So if you’ve read my blog for a while you may remember me saying that I’m a great cook but a terrible baker. All that measuring and exactness and precision. I’m way better at throwing a bunch of junk in a pan or pot or BBQ or grilling up some deliciousness.

Seriously.

Remember when I made baked mac n cheese and used a very wrong ingredient? How about that time I screwed up meringue by thinking cream of tartar and tartar sauce were the same thing (they’re really not)?

And then there was the time after my first niece was born. I tried to make this delicious and adorable baby block cake for the surprise baby shower:


Adorable! It looked easy in the instructions – one sheet cake, a bunch of different icings, a piping bag and some little sugar candy animals, how hard can that be, right?

Wrong.


There are approximately 3 different WRONG icings in this picture, not to mention the deformed, crumbly, fingerprinted mess of cubes that literally fell apart as I tried to ice them. I think that empty glass probably had some Vodka to dull the pain of FAILure.

Yup, here’s my lovely masterpiece:

I threw it in the garbage.

So, I’m planning on making a cake for a birthday dinner I’m going to on Wednesday. There are 6 of us celebrating our birthdays in April (mine’s April 18th – now you have enough time to make me something extra especially awesome by then kthxbai)

25 of us are going for a nice dinner to a restaurant with free corkage, that’s right FREE. Meaning we will each bring a bottle of wine and get extra especially drunk, so that when it comes time to present my cake, everyone will be too drunk to care what it looks like.

Hopefully.

Some More Irony

Remember Bro? Remember The Russian? If not and since you’re all too lazy to click links I’m sure, I’ll give you a very brief synopsis.

Bro is my old boss’ brother. He’s really nice and very charismatic; he was working up North so I hadn’t seen him since Christmas. The Russian is my ex-boyfriend from High school who I hadn’t seen since then until he came into my (old) work one day with his (kinda?) friends. He was the first guy I really cared about and we went through a lot together.

This is how my messed up life works…I hadn’t seen either of them in a while and kind of even forgot about both of them since, you know, life happens.

Well Friday night guess who comes into the Restaurant and sits at my bar…Bro. He told me he was even going to call the restaurant to make sure that I was working but decided to just come see. Him and his friend hung out and drank for a couple hours, I chatted with him about his work and all that but I was really busy so didn’t really get to talk too much.

As they were leaving, his friend paid and left $150 for the $137 bill. I was kind of upset about it because I had given them a discount and everything but whatever. Bro came back from the bathroom though and shook my hand, stealthily slipping me $40 in the process. He’s back now from up North and won’t be going back until next year so he said he’ll call me and I guess we’ll see where that goes!

As for The Russian, Saturday night I had a girls night with some friends. We drank a ton of wine and champagne and then headed out dancing. As I’m outside smoking, who do I see but the Russian walking towards me. He grabbed me in a big hug and started going on about he dropped his phone in beer or something so had obviously lost my number.

Him and his friend ended up hanging out with us girls for the rest of the night; dancing, drinking, all that fun stuff. I don’t know if it’s a Russian thing or what but he’s very direct. He asked me if I had loved him, he told me that seeing me again must be fate (it is kinda strange that I didn’t see him for over 7 years and then run into him twice in a few months, but fate? I dunno) and is totally comfortable asking potentially awkward questions.

He came over to my place after and it was fabulous. Gotta love not raising your numbers and still getting some. Especially when it’s way better then you remember. We actually had a really good conversation in the morning about life in general, what’s changed, what’s the same, my parents divorce, his stint in the army, everything in general.

As he was leaving he said “I’ll call you,” to which I replied “like last time?” and laughed. He could only shake his head and point to his new phone, which is apparently not covered in beer.

Of course, seeing the two guys I kissed a few months ago, randomly in the same weekend, after not having seen either for over two months WOULD only happen to me.

PEI – A Pictorial Essay

I’m back!! I’m a bit sad because now I don’t have awesome guest bloggers taking over. Just little old me. Thanks again guys!

Anywho, the East coast was awesome – I have lots of great stories but first:

A pictorial essay of the trip


We may or may not have almost missed our plane on the way out there. Not because we were drinking but because we couldn’t find the car rental place. More on that later.


At least the airplane food
wasn’t so bad:

Blondie and I wore our infamous John Deere shirts and ended up meeting the John Deere rep for all of the East Coast. His name was John (seriously).

I got to see a real lighthouse and go up in it – this is a big deal for me since I’m from Calgary. There isn’t exactly the chance of boats running into the shore here (although we did have one of the best Naval academies in the country – go figure). The lighthouses on the West coast are different or maybe I just don’t know where to look to find a real red and white lighthouse.

We had awesome fake Chinese food a few nights after the bar – Blondie told me she’s never had Chinese in Calgary because she’s afraid it’s “real” Chinese (I’m assuming she meant chicken claws and tripe balls). When I told her that we have just as many fake Chinese places as real ones she got pretty excited. Note to self: take Blondie for Chinese. Maybe even dim sum…although she may not be able to handle that just yet.


We went to dinner theater and drank a liter of wine.

Each.

We saw an 80s hairband, Haywire:

We drank our faces off; danced with hot guys; partied at the spot where all the Alexander Keith’s commercials are filmed; ate tons of lobster, scallops and mussels; and laid out on the beach for hours. We had an interesting ride home one night when we couldn’t find a cab:


I met a farmer who said (and I quote) “I’m some glad I met you” when I told him I was from Calgary. Turns out he’s coming here for 6 months in January to transport cows or milk pigs or something (chickens maybe?) so he needs some friends. Should be interesting taking the small town Vernon River boy around the big city.

However, we just got back and I’m exhausted, hungry and bitchy. Time for bed for this girl!

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