Why I’ll Never be A Concert Pianist

Perfectionist. Overachiever. Organized.

These are all things I’ve never been accused of being, though my resume may say differently. Then again my resume also says “plays the piano” and if you all want to know how that turned out:

 

Yes, I’m sobbing while practicing. I loved me some piano playing. I’m also pretty sure my braces even match my stripes there.

As I’ve matured (luckily so has my fashion sense) I’ve realized that though I’m not any of those things outwardly, it’s because I’m really good at hiding them. Take my plans for traveling for example.

Here’s how my “plan” started: “Hey, after I get my English teaching certificate I’m gonna pack some stuff, go traveling for a while and try to find a job in Central America teaching English”.

So I packed some stuff and here I am in Vegas with a flight booked for Mexico in two weeks. That was basically the extent of my plan. Meanwhile, in Vegas, I’ve been researching Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua and Costa Rica day in and day out.

It’s like I hurry to get started, then I go back and fastidiously fill in the blanks.I even made a spreadsheet. (Okay fine, I made 3 spreadsheets).

So while I have activities listed, hotels and costs, where to be when, resume printed, backpack sort of organized (clothes, books, flashlight, first aid kit, sewing kit, nail kit); it’s basically all pretense. I know once I get there my highly organized plans will go out the window. My beautiful spreadsheets will probably serve as timber when I end up on a beach somewhere because all the hotels are booked over Christmas and I haven’t had the foresight to book anything.

I guess I like the idea of being organized, the feeling I’m prepared for anything, and the thought of being one of those people for whom nothing goes wrong and the days unfold as tidily as a road map.

On second thought I think my days do unfold like a road map – it seems to be coming along nicely when all of a sudden I find myself upside-down and backwards with no hope in hell of getting the folds right, or of getting back on the right track.So I just fold it back up as best I can and pretend that’s where I was going in the first place.

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