Camping, Long-Johns and The Dumb Laws "They" Think Up

In Calgary there’s this great little tradition that happens every May long weekend. Almost everyone young and lots of people who aren’t, go camping.

I’m sure this is a common theme pretty much everywhere.

The difference is that in Calgary, for May-long, it snows. It is pretty much almost guaranteed to snow or at least rain. Not the pretty sunshiny frolicking in the fields and weaving daisies in your hair rain.

No, it’s wet, heavy, gross rain. The kind that makes you wonder if maybe the apocalypse is coming and then you thank the sweet baby jebus that you said grace that one time when Aunt Mildred had the bubonic plague or laryngitis or whatever and so couldn’t say it herself and forced you to think of stuff to say although you’re pretty sure your family already thinks you’re the anti-christ so really what does it matter if you botch up saying thank-you?

Amen

Most people are prepared for this and bring all their best winter-preparation tools: hats, gloves, down-filled sleeping bags, matches, long-johns (ladies, you’re going to want to click that link – that dude makes even something as dorky as long wool underpants look hot), wool socks (one for the boys), flares, a portable generator, 6 gallons of whiskey and a few flashlights. You know, standard camping gear.

I’ve for sure gone camping with girls who have been all “ohemgee, look at my adorable little pink sleeping bag – it rolls into a neat little ball and fits in my pocket! Let me just put it in my teensy suitcase beside my tiny string bikini!” only to have her ending up zippering my sleeping bag together with hers so she could get a modicum of heat.

Guys? Where were you on that trip?!

Apparently the Provincial and National parks here – like Banff National Park, Kootenay Park, Castle Mountain, Yoho, Tunnel Mountain, basically all the good places to go camping – have banned liquor this year.

BANNED LIQUOR

\%W^*@^T$@!)(F*&%%$?!!

Seriously, what the shit? I’m not even sure that’s legal. How can you take away something as life-sustaining, especially during cold days, as booze?

I mean sure, it’s all sunny and good now but just you wait People-Who-Made-This-Dumb-Law, when that snow inevitably falls on May long this year, when those people out enjoying hooliganism and tom-foolery realize that they can’t have a beer while camping?!

You’ll all be in big trouble. I mean, that’s like outlawing winter tires.

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11 responses

  1. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? This is just absurd.

  2. I just bought 40 pairs of wool socks hoping that girl shows up at my apartment.

  3. this mythical Calgary place sounds just like Denver.

  4. Thank you for the easy set-up for a comment about people getting drunk and humping moose.

  5. Ooooh Long John Guy is HOT!

    Banning alcohol, wtf? Fuck 'em – take the booze along anyways, but hide it in things like hot water bottles and coffee thermoses… thermii? What's the plural for thermos? Eesh.

  6. ive heard about this stupid law… i plan on staying home and drinking as much as i want… in my non-covered-in-snow living room! LOL

  7. Winter tires? Yeah … no, we don't have that in Cape Town. We don't wear long johns either. It's winter here right now and the temperature is a cold 15 degrees C. It NEVER snows in CT.

  8. I heard about that. I've got to play the devil's advocate on this one though, and say I agree. ::ducks head:: They're banning it in places where people often “over-indulge” in the boozing and are more focused on partying away from all the rules. The sheer disrespect for nature some of these people have pisses me off. Sure it's a case of one bad apple, but the ban isn't province-wide. It's a matter of choosing between drinking and camping – and for many this will enable them to enjoy camping without the loud hooligans in the next site over.

  9. Nice site, very informative. I like to read this.,it is very helpful in my part for my criminal law studies.

  10. I didn't even know you were blogging again! Yay, now I can keep up with everything you're doing again. (I had to laugh about your post with your flights, and then tell everyone around me why I was laughing. Unreal!)

    Anyway, nothing to say that's really pertinent to your actual post, ha!

  11. DUDE. One finger. I can't even deal.

:: tell me something good ::

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