Yes, summer means that wedding season is fast approaching. That’s right, don your party gown and say a little prayer that your friends groom has at least some hot single friends/relatives/ex-jail-cell-roomies that you can bat your pretty little eyelashes at because this night is going to be long. I should know – I went to seven weddings last year.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for all you marrieds/about-to-be-marrieds (mostly because now I don’t have to listen to you whining about how that guy from last night never called you today – hello, give it a few days*) but weddings do come with their own set of problems for us single folk.
Firstly, I have a name and a “plus one”. Most of the time I choose to forgo the date and just go as my fabulous single self but when all your friends are bringing their boyfriends, it changes things a bit.
See, now I have to scramble to figure out which of my single guy friends will fit in best with each crowd. I have to make sure said Plus One is attractive, witty and charming and mostly that he will be attentive to me so as not to embarrass me and/or the bride. I have to choose wisely because if the aforementioned hot single friends/relatives/ex-jail-cell-roomies actually exist, my Plus One better not stand in my way.
There’s also a problem with going at it alone. As much as I like the bride’s Uncle Jimbo trying to feel me up on the dance floor and then tell me he thought I was his wife (oh you mean the chick with dark hair that is 4 inches shorter than me and 20 years older? Ya I’d totally get us confused too), I’ve had my share of it. And your share too for that matter.
Then there’s the barrage of “Grandma-means-well” questions about our own marital history and future, or lack thereof. Why is it your business (worse when it’s a complete stranger), to ask me WHY I’m not married? Why are you married? What if I told you it was because I prefer emotionless, meaningless sex with no strings, huh Grandma – happy now?
Also: I’m not allowed to wear white, I’m not allowed to wear black, I’m not allowed to wear anything sexy, I’m not allowed to wear too much makeup, I’m not allowed to wear anything too short and my shoes aren’t allowed to be too high.
Good thing I don’t follow directions well, we just eliminated the majority of my wardrobe.
All I’m really saying here is if I ever get married I’ll make sure to stock the bar with hot single people so my friends have someone to
drool at talk to.
Ya, I’m generous like that
* kidding – well maybe not really