Alice’s Top Ten Excuses

Apparently Eden is giving a prize to the blogger with the best lie excuse for why they’ve missed a day (or twelve) in the NaBloPoMo writing challenge. Without further ado, here is:


Alice’s Top Ten Excuses
(or: Why She Didn’t Post 30 Times)

10. She locked herself out of her house for the weekend and stayed at a friends who is apparently against technology and doesn’t own a computer

9. Momma’s gotta pay the bills and with this economic crisis that could mean up to fourteen hours a day on that street corner

8. A pack of wild ex-suburban animals were on the loose and chased her into a tree where she was forced to exist solely off fruit and bark for days

7. Had to decide if her shoe racks looked better organized by color or by style. Organized and reorganized until satisfied with overall appearance of said racks

6. Hills Marathon. Need I say more?

5. Every package of chicken noodle soup in the house suddenly looked extremely appealing. She tested the theory by cooking and eating every last one

4. Her special friend got home from a business trip and they had some “special business” to take care of

3. Decided it was time to do laundry after realizing she had been sleeping three feet over from where her bed actually stands

2. She set half the clocks in her house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour for Daylight Savings and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday. She was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house. Accordingly, her post was too late, or early.

1. Her cat ate her mouse


19 responses

  1. Number 8 and Number 1 are probably the best excuses I reckon!Although I quite like Number 6 as well . . . 😉

  2. Wow! You should teach me how to make up excuses! I would have used one when I crashed the car 😛

  3. Should try this excuse: “… has a life.”

  4. Just found your blog and … well, there goes the morning 🙂 I’ll now have to find my top ten excuses why I’ll do absolutely nothing for the next hour….

  5. I’d go with “was treating this as stretching exercises for next year’s actual entry.”

  6. It’s ok. I’m still hooked.

  7. Number 8 sounds the most realistic.

  8. I would go with 2 and 4, I will cross my fingers that it wasn’t 2.

  9. Where’s the part about being too bloated from Thanksgiving meals? Tryptophane can wreck one’s ability to blog. It’s been proven.

  10. I want to hear more about this special friend and the special business that needed to be taken care of!

  11. Hilarious! I can definitely empathize with you on #3.

  12. Number 9 rocked my world. I couldn’t stop laughing for a while there =DThanks for the laughs!

  13. Those are all acceptable. Except 6. I saw some of that for the first time today. Holy Stinkasaurus! There is some serious douchebaggery goin’ down in Tha Hillz.

  14. 21 posts in a month is still pretty damn impressive. I think I only posted 9 times in November. So together, we make one competent NaBloPoMo blogger. Congrats!

  15. #2 is by far my favorite. That said, #7 is not without its charms…plenty of potential jokes from people who are “satisfied with the appearance of your rack”. 🙂

  16. Lol, #8 is funny, but I’m living #3 right now!

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