More FAILures

I locked myself out of my house this weekend. The door handle has a lock on it and if you hit it the wrong way it locks. Neither my landlord nor I have a key to this particular lock, I only use my deadbolt.

Luckily she can get to the back door from inside her place.

Unluckily she was out of town for the weekend.

FAIL

Needless to say, I had an interesting day Saturday killing time before heading to a friends birthday that night. I ate lunch at one restaurant, got coffee and sat for two hours, ate supper at a different restaurant, went downtown and had a few drinks with some friends who happened to be at the pub and finally hopped the train down to my friends house.

My friend who does not have a computer at home. There went my NaBloPoMo dreams.

FAIL

I stayed at her house last night and we all went for brunch this morning. We declared today as “slit-your-wrist Sunday” because every single song on the radio was emo-inspired. That and we were hung over from the piss water “champagne” graciously provided to us by the bar. The bar that is called Snatch.

They may as well just call the bar Vagina and stop with the clever euphemisms.

This is the type of place that when you’re standing in line to use the ATM, some guy starts talking to you and when you reply, he says (verbatim) “sorry I uh…wasn’t listening. I got distracted,” while staring at your boobs. “So uh, can I buy you a drink?”

Oh gosh, really? So I can perpetuate every guys ideas of girls at bars? You know why don’t I just take my dress off right now?

Ya, no thanks, I’ll pass.

Pickup line FAIL

Anyway, this morning at brunch I ordered a Bailey’s and coffee (a little hair of the dog). Blondie turns to the waitress and says:

“Ummm, I’ll get a Baileys and coffee too…but can you hold the Baileys?”

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18 responses

  1. Oh no! I once locked myself out of home. It cost a lot of money to get a locksmith out. No-one was around to help me and all the windows were locked! The hubby was away so I had to get in somehow!NEVER made that mistake again!Touch wood…

  2. Vagina for a club? Catchy. The catch phrase could be, “See ya in the Gine”

  3. your weekend sounds like my LIFE when I was living out of my car. I would shower at YMCAs but then I had a terrible, terrible incident that I’d rather not talk about.Anyway, I hope you’re in and safe now.slop

  4. Got some smart friends, do ya?

  5. That sounds like a great weekend! Did you have to wait for your landlord? Sadly enough I see that type of line work all the time. Quite a bit on grown women actually, which is even more sad.

  6. Those things may all have been FAIL, but this entry is nothing but WIN.Also, you should totally get a pass on NaBloPoMo (which I still think sounds dirty) by just doing two entries today. You even have the power to backdate them so nobody knows. Well, except all your readers. And God.

  7. Goodness! that sounds like my kind of weekend. One FAIL after another!At least it made a good story!

  8. Don’t know what you wrote about. Staring at boobs.At least I’m honest.

  9. You should always have at least one or two people in the area that don’t mind you sharing your bed just for such contingencies.

  10. I guess women DONT really appreciate honesty.What does it take eh?

  11. Oh I love when all of the music is emo-inspired – no really, I don’t. It’s just to emo for me.

  12. I can’t believe the boob line didn’t work. I don’t know what to think about the world anymore.

  13. I have been to Snatch a total of three times… and all three times I felt like a dirty whore when I left… it isn’t as bad as the Back Alley though… I feel dirty even thinking about that place.

  14. Snatch sounds like the Boom-Boom Room here. The bouncers don’t ID females, so it’s full of 15-year-old girls who would jump at a pick up line like that. =/I thought you were going to end up at Mom and Dad’s again when I saw the first part. Glad to see you avoided that!

  15. Can you hold the Baileys?! Haha, that’s silly. Are you sure she wasn’t still drunk?

  16. GOOD LORD. see, this is why i turn to the internet for dates. i can weed out those dudes before having to meet them in PERSON.

  17. Whoa, that’s weird. Both Alices on my blogroll wrote FAIL posts on this day!

  18. Naming a bar “snatch” probably doubled profits instantaneously.

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