After reading this little post on Carmen’s blog, I’ve decided to do my own roundup of useless internet dating idiots.
I’ve now been on the site for a few months and have yet to meet anyone decent or even semi-decent (I’ve actually yet to meet anyone at all in person). This may or may not be because of the running inner monologue I have that starts something like:
“Alright, let’s see what poor sap messaged me today”
I’m not cruel. If someone says something interesting, I’ll write them back. It’s just that they can never hold my interest past two messages or if I eventually give them my msn name (2 guys so far).
So let’s see what I’ve got in my in-box today:
Subject line: cuttie
Message: are you from calgary how long have you been
Well moron, how long have I been what? If I’m from Calgary then obviously I’ve “been” my whole freaking life. I’m not sure what cuttie means but let’s just reiterate that I’m not Emo so no, no I don’t.
Subject line: hi there
Message: i’m ****** and if age isn’t an issue for u, i was wondering if i’d be someone of interest to you as i truely found ur profile and pic equally attractive…
Here’s another Douchetastic winner. Hey Mister, if “ur” 43 you may want to learn how to spell because I found your use of the English language “truely” appalling.
Subject line: boo
Message: hey…well i was reading your profile…and i know movies are not for you on the first date…so what about the race track?…but it might be closed right now… so im good with a swim to the moon
Where to begin with this one…let’s start with the over usage of the ellipsis. If you aren’t sure how to punctuate, don’t just fill in any empty spots with dots. It’s called Grade Two – perhaps you should make your way back there? Also, what the hell is a swim to the moon? Is that what the kids are calling sex these days? Because if so, I’m not buying. Perv.