Teacher, Teacher

So, I’ve mentioned my ex-douche a few times but never really elaborated on who he is. In light of school starting again this week, I thought I’d share a little story about him. First, some background: the short story is that we used to work together and were good friends, I had a boyfriend who I lived with, Ex-D serial dated and always had funny stories about it.

For example, one date he went on was a blind date – he decided to have a drink before meeting her to calm his nerves. Well, he ended up getting hammered before meeting her at the bar, entering himself in a wet T-shirt contest and proceeding to make a complete ass of himself (and baring his ass in the process). It was entertaining to hear about to say the least and he was so unlike any guy I’d ever dated.

I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend (there’s another long story, completely unrelated) and moving in with a girl-friend. A few months later ex-douche invited me and a friend to the Chili Peppers concert and him and I ended up hooking up that night. Suddenly we were dating and then we were moving in together – 3 months after we first hooked up. That’s the short version.

Ex-D used to be a teacher. He taught special needs students for a while though he didn’t like working with them because he thought a lot of the parents were too soft with their kids. For example, one boy asked Ex-D to tie his shoelaces for him. Ex-D told the boy to tie his own shoelaces, he was perfectly capable. The boy was shocked that he wouldn’t do it for him, but guess what? He tied them himself.

A lot of the parents wanted Ex-D to spend extra time after school with their children, but were too busy to sit with their kids themselves for an hour to help with homework. He said it was frustrating and eventually quit teaching altogether.

When Ex-D first started teaching, he was teaching grade 8 students. After the first semester, the school board sent an evaluator around to each classroom to sit in on the class, make sure that progress was being made and to evaluate the teaching style.

It just so happened that Ex-D got his evaluator on “Dress As Your Favorite Teacher” day. So as the class settled in, the evaluator sat at the back of the classroom, pencil and notebook at the ready. Ex-D decided to ask the students which teacher they had dressed up as and why.

The first girl he asked, wearing a long skirt, glasses and a blouse replied:

“I’m Miss Barry, because she always helps me with my math.”

“And you, Todd, who are you dressed as?” he asked a boy with running shorts and a t-shirt on.

“I’m Mr. Chase, because he bikes to work everyday”

Ex-D turned to a boy wearing crooked glasses, a shirt buttoned up improperly, tie half undone, messy hair and wrinkled pants.

“Jimmy…who are you supposed to be?”

“Well, I’m you Mr. Ex, when you come to school hungover!”

15 responses

  1. I wasn’t expecting that punchline but it was so funny. And the wet t-shirt contest story . . . a classic!!! 🙂

  2. Oh those teachers…I’m still not sure if they make good significant others or not…

  3. Damn. That kid dropped it!

  4. Bwahahaha. Kids can be so hillarious. Sometimes. Most of the time they are just scary.

  5. Hahaha, that’s hilarious. I’ve always found that teaching is a good career for stories.

  6. Jimmy totally has a future in the Catskills.

  7. Your ex-douche sounds similar to Jack Black in School of Rock.“Does anybody know what a hang over is?”“It’s when you’re drunk.”“No, it’s when you’re drunk the night before.”

  8. Wow! Kids really do say the darndest things!That is so funny, thanks for sharing!!

  9. Oh my that’s classic! I teach grade 8 kids this year for the first time and I could totally picture one of my kids selling me out like that.

  10. OMG, you’ve GOT to be kidding! I can’t believe an 8th grader would actually SAY that!

  11. hahaha great punchline!🙂

  12. “At least I come to school, you little bastard.” -reasons why I’m not a teacher, #4,356

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