How To Alienate The Majority of Your Readers

I worked at my part time job tonight (serving). Usually we get busy around 7 and close at around ten but tonight we got busy around 9 with a sudden influx of tourists. Needless to say, I had to have a drink after work.

As I’m sitting in the bar enjoying my ice-cold beer (beer is 6% up here just so ya know – none of this 2.2% or whatever it is in the US of A, probably why Canada breeds alcoholics…) the fire alarm goes off but it’s the slow “maybe this isn’t really a fire just stay here and drink your beer” alarm.

Side note: it was to the exact beat of the song playing at the time. I may or may not have loudly sung a remix:

“May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, this is an alarm, but she ain’t hanging with no broke…no broke…may I have your attention please”

Well, once the alarm picked up speed so did my drinking. No way was I leaving that bar without finishing my hard earned beer. The fire trucks showed up and naturally we got kicked out. I guess people burning to death isn’t really covered on their insurance policy. Cheapskates.

Since my mix-master music career had been abruptly halted I decided to hop in a cab and go home. I realized that I had misplaced my little change holder in all the commotion about halfway home so I decided to strike a deal with the cab driver. I had more then enough bills to cover the fare but I needed change for the bus in the AM.

I tried to give him an American dollar bill for a loonie and he refused. When I explained my predicament he gave me a bus ticket and the American bill back.

C’mon guy, that’s gotta be worth at least 50 cents!*

* Please send all hate mail to aliceinaverageland at gmail dot com

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26 responses

  1. haha you know what? You should totally visit down under. I think the drinking habits, spelling of words and craziness in general is something the two nations have in common!!Glad you didn’t die in a fire 😉– kez

  2. I need to know..what are the popular beers up there?

  3. Damn, girls get a lot of free stuff.Next time ask him for his jacket…I hear you’re short on them.

  4. By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you this, I worked at restaurants from the age of 15 to all through college. First in the kitchen, then cashiering/hostessing, then waiting tables. So I <>totally<> commiserate with the posts about this job!That junk about singing the remix made me laugh and laugh – good work.Also, if you make fun of my country one more time I will probably, you know, I dunno, do something or whatever. Okay, okay, who are we kidding, we know I’m too lazy to do anything.

  5. That’s ok. We still can’t get some places to take Canadian coins even though they are worth more than ours.

  6. Kez – I’d love to visit down under – if it wasn’t $1400 for a ticket!!The Good Doctor – Well people claim to like Canadian (I don’t like it), Keiths is popular, Kokanee, Stella, any locally brewed beer (Big Rock)Poobomber – dammit where are these suggestions when I need them?Falw – what is hilarious about that is that I started out as a cook at age 15 – not lying. Weird parralel universes?Crazy Lady – At least you can stash them away until you can break free and come to the promised land – wait. I may have my facts mixed up here – which land is the promised land?

  7. Mwa ha HA! Haven’t times changed? I remember my American friends making fun of our currency for so many years, in much the same way you did (um, but… in reverse) in this blog post. Payback time, baby. Boo-yeah.

  8. I just went back to see my family in England, and I was showing them the Canadian coins. They didn’t really get why it’s called a loonie.Zibbs: Wellington kicks arse. Especially the strong kind, it’s something like 8.2% or something.

  9. You Canadians finish your beer in the face of danger! I love it!

  10. Found you on the 20SB feed. Don’t worry… I’m not offended. You speak the truth.

  11. Canadian beer is like moonshine. After 2 molsons I’m ready to fall down.Moosehead is the bomb. Is that Canadian?I will trade you a napkin for this American Dollar. It’s about the same value.

  12. We scots would do exactly the same re: drinking while at risk of burning to death!

  13. We actually have many beers with high alcohol content (like 8%. We are so crazy!), just not that horrible swill we import to other countries (I’m looking at you, Budweiser). Do you love that, like, the first time I comment on your blog it’s to defend U.S. beer? We breed alcoholics down here, too, m’lady.

  14. 6% beer!?!?? I’m on my way! 😉

  15. 6% is how it should be! We Europeans have a knack for that as well. Thankfully Anheuser-Busch has been taken over by InBev. Maybe now we’ll get some quality shiz produced in the States!You could never alienate us. Besides, then who would read our whiny, self-important blogs?

  16. Amazing – I am quite impressed. Last time I tried to quickly down a beer before getting kicked out of a bar I ended up throwing up in an alley.

  17. All the bills look alike when it’s dark, and you’re stuffing them into a stripper’s g-string. But I guess I’m just a little more open minded when it comes to international economic policy.

  18. Why must we be fussin and fightin? I love the USA AND Canada. And Granville Island Brewery makes a few great beers.

  19. I only deal with Euros.

  20. yeah, i know. the US sucks sometimes. unfortunately the only place to find really good beer with a decent alcohol percentage is a micro-brew or a bar that sells the micro-brews. and even if we happen to come across one – it takes a lot of our cheap dollars to get one! there’s no winning!

  21. yeah, i know. the US sucks sometimes. unfortunately the only place to find really good beer with a decent alcohol percentage is a micro-brew or a bar that sells the micro-brews. and even if we happen to come across one – it takes a lot of our cheap dollars to get one! there’s no winning!

  22. I thought “why didn’t you take the beer WITH you when the fire alarm went off?”I’ve been in Asia too long. I’m going to get back to Canada and take my beer onto the street and promptly be arrested for public drunkeness. Welcome Home!

  23. Well, at least you finished your beer — that’s an unwritten rule here in Texas 🙂

  24. Le sigh….I would love to live in Canada. If only it were warmer.

  25. 2.2%? Any beer I’ve bought here has been 6%. Yum. Great story, haha. I used to know a guy who would mix the strangest things with popular music.

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