He Sure Got A Wet One

I’m still sick, which causes me to be bitter, cranky and generally pissed off at the world. So pretty much like myself, but more nasally. When I feel this way I have to be a little more creative with ways to avoid work since my brain feels like mush.

It sort of reminds me of the time we were playing poker but had no chips. We decided that anything in the living room was fair game, each threw in 5 dollars and had at ‘er. The best thing about this method is that when you run out of chips (hair pins, couch cushions, packets of ketchup) you just finish the beer you’re drinking, throw it in the pot and presto! Back in the game.

I never thought I would see the day when I could say “I see your trashy boxer-shorts and raise you 15 screws” without going to jail.

Anyhow, at work this morning, drinking my peppermint tea and thinking about the fact that I have one hundred million and seven things that I need to do before I leave (tomorrow!) I decided to go for a walk. Sick people are allowed to leave work for things like decongestant medicine, soup, eye drops, really just think of anything that your mom would have fed you when you were sick, if she had actually cared.

I forget where I was going with this story. Oh right (sorry foggy head), so I’m at Shoppers getting my medicine. The guy in front of me walks out and sets off those alarms. Generally when they go off people just keep walking or turn to the cashier who waves them through but this time a huge security guard went traipsing (ok traipsing may be the wrong word. Picturing a huge, muscley, black guy traipsing – doesn’t really seem to fit) so he went storming up to the guy and asked to look in his bags.

Now the skinny little dude he asked looked like he was going to crap himself but really had nothing to worry about and Security Dude waved him on his way. The whole thing reminded me of a story I read about an 70 year old guy shoplifting.

Apparently the old man was trying to steal a shirt from a clothing store in Germany when a policeman grabbed his arm. The man turned around and went to bite the officer but had forgotten to put in his false teeth.

No idea what my point is here folks. Just be sure to put in your teeth next time you want a new shirt.

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11 responses

  1. I really like the way you write, even if there is no point.

  2. I think that last sentence might have BEEN the point . . . 🙂

  3. I love the idea of playing poker with random objects!

  4. When I’m sick, it makes me feel better by telling everyone that not only am I sick, but “I get much sicker than most people.” Sometimes it results in precious pity.

  5. I def think you are high off of Tylenol Cold lol!Feel better lady!

  6. I want dentures at the age of 28I heard they’re hip.

  7. I want dentures too. Gary Busy-type ones that make me look bizarre and like I might either yell at random strangers or try and fight telephone poles.

  8. I like the really abrupt ending to this with the “no idea what the point is here folks.” You remind me of me with those skills in entry-closing.

  9. So, in summation, nothing. That’s so postmodern of you.

  10. hilarious. that post made me feel high. haha.

  11. I see DayQuil is your decongestant of choice.

:: tell me something good ::

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