Yes that’s right, I’m that annoying person who tries to get you to buy makeup, lotions and other stuff so I can make a few bucks.
Oh, wait – no I’m not because I’ve never sold a damn thing.
I was the worst Mary Kay representative ever. They should give me an award for that or something. Seriously. I had just one party the whole time, where I invited 8 of my friends over. I had 3 bottles of apple vodka and 3 bottles of red wine.
You can see where this is going.
Basically I did all my friends makeup, we drank all the booze and went back to the liquor store (twice) then headed out to the bar – Hey-Oh!! What? I’m supposed to get them to BUY things? Whoops. Well I still have my starter kits (tons of sample makeup) and get a 50% discount if I ever actually order anything so I guess it wasn’t a total loss*.
On another note, this morning I woke up, dragged my creaky 90-year-old woman body out of bed and practically fell over. Wait, when did I turn 90? I should have known something was wrong when I went to bed at 10 last night. 10? Really? That’s about the time I usually eat dinner.
Well as it turns out, I’m sick. My head aches, my body hurts, I’m all stuffy and sneezing and congested. My hands are cold, my body is hot (then cold) and I’m whiney.
Ok so maybe it’s just a cold** but it’s a bad one. I need some soup. I need my bed. I need a manservant to serve me soup, read me a bedtime story and press a cold compress to my face while gently massaging my forehead. I need a pile of blankets made out of goose down and bear fleece or whatever the hell that soft material is. I need Echinacea, Vitamin C and Cold Fx administered intravenously.
But here I am at work. Damn you Corporate America, damn you and your “Responsibility” and “Accountability” and “Taking Credit for Projects That Other People Did”. Damn you to hell.***
* It actually was a total loss
** or maybe it’s the Avian virus? Norwolk? Mumps? Polo? Black Plague? SARS???
(No, I’ve never been called a hypochondriac)
*** I totally stole that concept with the linkage to hell from Poobomber