Mid-Weekend Correspondence

Dear Homeless Man,

I hope your tap-dancing lessons are going well! I found out today that you have a twin brother, who looks exactly like you. Does he have the same Nike Shox as you? If so, I think I may always think you are the same person. Sorry for the confusion, no wonder you looked at me like I was the crazy one when I asked you if you ever got a new oar.

I saw you and your brother fighting today. It saddened me deeply – family are the most important people in your life. Perhaps you were fighting over a female? Trust me, that blond woman who yells at people on patios and tries to grab their food is not worth a family feud.

Sure, if she stopped doing the crack and brushed her hair a little she could be pretty. If she ate something she could even be quite lovely but I’m sure there are more ladies for you two to deal with?

I thought I’d let you know that that new wave you are doing with your hair? Very Donald-Trumpesque! Dress for success they say! Kudos



Dear 50 People From Spain Who Walked Into the Restaurant at MIDNIGHT Last Night,

Hi again, I know you speak 2 words of English (and with the 14 Spanish words I speak it was quite the conversation we had!) but when I say the restaurant is closed at eleven, that generally means that we don’t serve 50 people after midnight. Good thing you were very nice and promised to tip me for 50 meals even if not everyone ate.

I understand that your flight was delayed from Spain, however, 9pm is quite a bit earlier then 12pm. Did you know Denny’s is open 24 hours? Same with McDonalds! Crazy Canadians and their 24 hour restaurants, I know.

Good thing I made an extra $250 from you, otherwise I’d be pretty pissed that I stayed until 3 am using sign language and broken Spanish. Have a great time here, but promise me; no more midnight rendezvous.

I’m just not that kind of girl.



Dear Hot Guy Giving Me Free Beer at Taste of Calgary,

What are you doing later?


8 responses

  1. That’s a pretty sweet tip– I’m glad they didn’t screw you in the end. When I waitressed people would always promise to “take care of me” but a lot of the time they didn’t even though they got good service. 250 is worth it though!

  2. I would be so irritated if I had to stay at work that late. At least you made a sweet $250.

  3. $250 is pretty damn good!!! I’m jealous!

  4. I am way too oversensitive to the plight of the server… we were going for dinner last night, and I refused to go into a restaurant with only 30 min left (we wanted to sit down for drinks, too, not just a quick meal)– I didn’t want to be that person who made everyone stay late.

  5. Wow, glad they didn’t end up stiffing you. I’m surprised you convinced the cooks to stick around that long though. The cooks where I worked loved me but I felt lucky if I got them to be willing to stay 5 minutes past close!

  6. I used to hate when people came in right at close! For me, they’d always be such a hassle and never tip very well.

  7. You made $250 bucks!Damn I could use $250 – tell those Spainiards (spelling?) to come to LA and I’ll have them for dinner 😉

  8. I imagine Calgary tastes like cowboy boots and oil.

:: tell me something good ::

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