Weddings and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I worked at a Private Club (not that kind of club, perv) therefore have worked during many, many weddings. I also had seven separate friends get married last year and several the year before. Let’s just say I’ve seen my share of weddings.
Anyhow, the other day, as I do whenever I have too much time on my hands*, I started thinking about some strange things a little too intently. Why do spiders have eight eyes and live in bathtub drains? Why does coffee taste delicious black unless it’s at Tim Hortons where I need to put their crack-creamers in it to fully enjoy the robust flavor? Why do people (ok, girls) settle for a person they don’t think is the Right One just so that they can “finally” get married?
The answer came to me in a dream**. Girls want security. Girls want to know that they’ll have someone to wake up to every morning, someone who thinks hair-in-a-ponytail and sweatpants is a sexy look for them, someone who will fetch their newspaper and fan them with banana leaves while feeding them caviar and cream cheese on those cute little toasted bread rounds.
One thing most girls don’t want is a guy who is much less successful than her. That’s right, I said it, and you know it’s true. While I personally am not looking for a sugar daddy (although any interested parties feel free to apply here), I also don’t want to tell my parents that I met the love of my life in a romantic exchange involving my spare change and his fingerless gloves wrapped around a Styrofoam cup.
I have friends who are dating complete jerk-offs mainly because they know they have financial security and someone willing to fly them to Palm Springs or Vegas on a whim. I’d rather be living in a (large) cardboard box (with windows and weather proof coating), scraping gum off the pavement and selling it to unsuspecting tourists for a living then be a so-called trophy wife.
Don’t get me wrong. If future Mr. Alice happens to have loads of money and nothing better to do with it then spend it on me (and my shoe collection) I won’t complain. I would still need to have a job, especially if it was the daunting career of researching great vacation spots.
**my alarm was going off and playing some Good Charlotte…there may or may not have been dancing polar bears in said dream. Also, a really large talking willow tree, Pocahontas style.